I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
