1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize