And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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