Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
