you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to have your abortion
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
