I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize