I'm jealous of your bromance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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