loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
