I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
