Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
