ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
