You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
