dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
