Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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