I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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