Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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