i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
