WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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