Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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