The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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