So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize