im drinking this country out of the recession.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
