Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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