Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
