I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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