My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
