Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize