I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
