Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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