I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
