It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
