Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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