your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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