Quick, to the slutcave!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
