You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize