I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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