Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
