fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
