I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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