Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
