New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
