I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
