Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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