I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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