last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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