I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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