Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
