captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
