So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
