what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
