i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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