What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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