thus making me awesome and them whores
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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