YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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