I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
