No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
