u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
