i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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