Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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