so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
