Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize