3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
