DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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