i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
