Sry I called you an 8
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drake has all the answers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
