You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
