I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
