I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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