If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
