If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
