nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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