What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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