I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
