It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
