So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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