Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Come on in and take your pants off
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