the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
