oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
