hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found your dick twin last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You are the jesus of drinking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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