But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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