he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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