we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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