ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
