I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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