a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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