All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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