I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
