either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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