remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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