Pappa wants mamma naked
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
