Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize