You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
