and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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