I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
