I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
