My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
