I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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