Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish i was in the wii world.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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