just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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