exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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