That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
