he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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