I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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