Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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