READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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