have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Too much gin, very little bucket
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
