I showed him my bush... on skype.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
