I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
